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19 October 2008 @ 04:42 pm
hey, you can find my first real blog entry here

Also I took a pic of some very interesting flyer I saw at Harvard Campus that I didn't want to put into my blog *gg*

see for yourselves

I'm too tired to write everything down again, so if you want to read about my first two weeks in Boston just click the link (well if you happen to understand german...)

I will copy some slash onto my USB now, so that I have something to read at home (life without slash really is miserable) and then I'll go to the gym to work out, so that I can afford to eat all the fat stuff they sell over here *gg*
Miss you guys a lot!
07 October 2008 @ 11:35 am
So, I've arrived safely in Boston. But I don`t have any internet connection at home yet. which is why I am writing this little entry in the lab^^

Mz family seems very nice, though it feels more like living in a very small hotel than living in a family, but that`s fine. I have a great room and omg I have scifi!!!!!! american scifi, I think I`m never gonna leave again ;)

I visited Harvard university and the MIT yesterday,very very nice I must tell you^^ And of course I went shopping :)

anyway, I don`t have much time yet, plus it is kind of weird to write with an american keyboard, I keep making a lot more mistakes than usually^^ So I`ll write again once I have an established internet connection at home :)
04 October 2008 @ 10:07 pm
I'm all packed.
I have to get up at 4 am, because I want to be at the airport at 5.
I actually talked my parents into bringing me to the airport to say goddbye, even though it's in the middle of the night.

I'll arrive in Boston at 13.10 (Boston time - which is 19.10 here)

I'm really exited now!! I want to know what my family is going to be like and the surroundings and I'm already very much looking forward to shopping *gg*

still, I'll go to sleep soon, because I have thing thing - once I'm finished packing I feel like I need to leave, immediately^^ and there's still so much time left...I think it's gonna be faster if I sleep a few hours ;)

anyway - the next time I post anything it'll be from the us^^ wow, that still sounds kinda strange...
Current Mood: weirdweird
30 September 2008 @ 11:59 pm
So as promised I created my first attempt at this Boston Blog over at wordpress^^

You can find here:)

I will of course still write in my lj, but this is more for the ranting and the private stuff, whereas wordpress will be for pictures and everything (everything safe that I actually want my family and rl-friends to see, too^^)
Current Mood: contentcontent
30 September 2008 @ 10:54 pm
FEDCON!!!! I am coming ;))))

Connor and Dominic :) Not to mention a lot of other great guests^^

oh an I'll leabe for Boston in five days and still haven't managed to create myself a blog....but I will...I promise... ;)
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
27 September 2008 @ 09:07 pm
hmmm does anyone of you happen to know a community where I could get Star Trek Episodes (preferably Voyager)?? Cause so far I've failed to find one on my own...stupid me :(
26 September 2008 @ 08:57 pm
last night in my apartment. really weird.
26 September 2008 @ 12:44 am
I'm currently packing up my life - aka all the stuff I own - into boxes to be put in the cellar for the next 6 months (besides the tons of stuff I'll be taking with me)
Honestly I thought two times 23 kilograms would be a lot to take with me.....now I'm not so sure anymore^^ well it's still more than you can take anywhere else....but it's 6 months!! I need a lot of stuff ;)

Oh and only two more nights in my own bed...I'm getting really sad, because I have to leave my apartment behind...I feel so at home here -.-

Oh and forgot to complain properly! Ever since I am a fan of Atlantis I wanted to meet Joe Flanigan. Really bad!!! But, I missed the peg1 (only started attending cons a year later), I couldn't possibly go to canada or the USA because of money issues and australia was also out of the question^^
And I thought - please let him come somewhere near by (and by that I mean europe!^^ I don't care if I have to fly to another country to see him, just preferably not another continent, cause I can't afford that!)
So wow, now he's been announced for the next chevron convention, isn't that just great?? Only wait - I won't be in eupore at that time. I'm actually gonna be in the fucking USA - and guess what, there's not gonna be a con in the US during that time where I could possibly meet him!
Right now I hate my life - I'll go cry now :((
17 September 2008 @ 08:11 pm
Omg - I just got a email from the woman that got me my host family. She'll be sending my email adress to them and they will be in touch soon :))) I'm sooo exited and nervous what they will be like...I mean I'll have to live with them for 6 months^^
And my academic advisor in Boston sent me a mail telling me what I need to bring with me for the occupational health screening.
I also started writing a list of all the thing I will need to take with me, so I know only to pack up all the others to be put in the cellar for these months.

Today it seems like this is really happening^^

Oh and I had a reall tough day in the lab. Those three/Four hours felt at least like twice the time because I was so concentrated and nervous and everything. I'm always afraid I'll makle a huge mistake^^
But I also learned a lot, so I still had a great time there :)
Cross your fingers that my cells still live tomorrow, that they're deviding and growing and that they hopefully won't get infected ;)

*jumps away again, cause there is still soooo much to do*
Current Mood: energeticenergetic
16 September 2008 @ 12:13 am
I just read a few of my entries from the end of last year, when I was desperately trying to get that place in Boston for research and I was so much looking forward to it and thought it was the best thing ever :) Made me smile how happy I was back then.
And also makes me really look forward to the time I’ll have :)
It’s weird…these last weeks I have changed so many things – I got a new haircut (I finally got rid of those stupid curls^^), I bought new clothes, I kinda changed my style a little and I started making too many last appointments. The last time I went to work. The last time I would see this person or that friend. So many last times….
I feel like I’m losing my life. And on the other hand there is this new one waiting for me, this one I’m looking forward to, I am so curious about I wanna jump right in.
But it hurts leaving the old one.
And I know I’m stupid. Because I’ll come back. Because nowadays we have the internet and keeping in contact is quite possible. But somehow I can’t really convince myself I will have a life here to come back to.
To understand my fear of leaving you maybe need to know something. I lost my very best friend in this world in the year she spent in a foreign country. We tried to keep in contact, but it seemed so superficial compared to what we had before. I had a very tough year and came out bruised and hurt and she came back another person. It was a very slow progress…one you could hardly detect and it was so easy not to see us drifting apart, because I didn’t want to. It took me many years to get over her. I never had a best friend like her again. And I don’t think I ever will, not like that. And I never got the chance to say goodbye.
In addition, I’m terribly good at leaving things behind. Every time a major change in my life occurred I simply left and started anew. This is a major change – and I really don’t want to lose everything. And I can’t tell anyone, because all they ever do is laugh and tell me how easy it is to keep in contact. And what they don’t know is that it is me. I’m afraid I won’t keep in contact. I’m afraid I won’t be interested in them anymore, not the other way round. I’m scared, because I don’t know how to not be that way. Maybe I just suck at being a friend.
When I am in my down mood I already think I don’t have a life to come back to, because it’s already gone – before I even left. But I know that’s not entirely true. Even if it might not be the best thing ever at the moment, it still is my life. They still are my friends, you still are my friends. At least I really hope so. And I’m scared of losing that.
So all these last few weeks when I haven’t been preparing for leaving like I should, when I didn’t think of what I want to take with me, all the stuff I’ll need, all the time I simply forgot to clean and sort through things and was too lazy to go to this or that office, to write and send a letter – all this time it wasn’t laziness or bad memory or any other one of those, it was simply stalling the inevitable. And it’s gotta stop. So as of now I will start planning towards leaving you. Doesn’t matter if it breaks my heart in a way.
I had this tiny little thought in the back of my head, nagging, trying to tell me that maybe this time I’d have the chance to say goodbye. But the truth is, I don’t want to.
What I want to do is to beg, to ask you not to forget me, to think of me, to write me, to still include me in your lives – and it’s so stupid, because this is me, the one who didn’t write comments or answer to your mails or was available on icq or anything. Me, the one who went through such a deep phase of loss, long before it even occurred, because I’m too damn scared of getting hurt again. And I’m more than sorry.
I really, really want to ask all that of you, but it doesn’t matter. Because I know this will be on me and not on you. And all I can do is promise to do my very best. I don’t know if it’ll be enough, I don’t know if anybody still cares. But I have to overcome this dead point I’ve reached and start looking forward into a hopefully bright future and enjoy it the very best I can. Because everybody keeps telling me my time in Boston will be so great and part of me really believes it.:)
I just wish I'd know how I'm supposed to feel...
Current Mood: confusedconfused